Dirty Detox

So - yes, I honestly do LOVE LOVE LOVE every single item on the previous post and I can't wait to eat them tomorrow!

However - these are the RANDOM things I've craved over the past three days...

Chef Boyardee Beefaroni in a can
Chocolate covered glazed donuts
Those little fried crunchy things that come with Chinese food
Fried eggs and rice
fried chicken
chili cheese fritos
vegetable broth
Kincaid's burgers
French Fries (this one has been really bad)
meatloaf
mashed potatoes
mac and cheese
cheese pizza (another bad one)
the little crunchy snacks at The Library Bar
cheetos
sweet and sour chicken
rice and gravy and greenbeans
shrimp cocktail
chips and salsa
Mexican Pizzas from Taco Bell
bean and cheese burrito from Taco bell
Queso

Like I said, I've never done a detox before, so I wasn't sure how my body would react. Obviously it's really having a tough time letting go of old habits.

But I am strong and determined!

I LOVE FOOD!

This is how I feel about food right now!

Food is great...
I love sweet potatoes
I love sweet potato fries
I love veggie burgers
I love tofu scrambles
I love quinoa
I love spinach
I love bell peppers
I love black beans
I love brown rice
I love tofu sausage
I love fish
I love salsa
I love almond cheese
I love almonds
I love cashews
I love spaghetti squash
I love edamame
I love stir frys
I love sprouted grain tortillas
I love eggs
I love whole grain toast
I love pancakes
I love soy butter
I love avocados
I love nut butter
I love strawberries
I love kiwis
I love onions
I love jalapeno peppers
I love eggplant
I love cabbage
I love brussel sprouts
I love asparagus
I love lemons
I love dark chocolate
I love oatmeal
I love mustard
I love coffee
I love green tea
I love cranberry juice (not from concentrate)

Right now, I would like to roll around in all of those things...

Home stretch!

We are in the final day of the Shakeology 3 Day Cleanse and we're surviving!

The bizarre cravings are still there - this morning it's Chef Boyadree Beefaroni in a can. Haven't had that in YEARS... yesterday it was vegetable broth (which is actually not a bad option!), Kincaid's cheeseburger and fries and chili cheese fritos. I'm still trying to figure out if it's my body craving something or if it's just a psychological thing (wanting what you "can't" have). Who knows!

Part of me, honestly, wanted to throw in the towel last night. As I drove home from Fort Worth last night, I passed a slew of "tastes good but NOT good for ya" chains - Taco Bell, Taco Cabana, Panda Express, Whataburger, Wendys and the list goes on and on. And while I haven't eaten fast food in quite some time, I had to keep saying to myself as I drove by the exit...NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS LEAN FEELS... and I just kept picturing me and Jimmy on the beach in Mexico! And I kept driving. Jimmy and I were talking about it before bed last night and he brought up a good point - I'd be disappointed in myself if I didn't finish this.

And he's right.

Far too many times, I begin things and then crap out just before the end. It's like I can see the finish line, but the folding chair that the spectators are sitting in looks much more comfortable than going the distance. I'm trying to be better about that.

But not this time...this time I'm in it to win it! Only a couple of hours left! And I still have 2 apples, 2 shakes and a huge salad to go!!!

I'm looking forward to sitting down with Jimmy tonight to make a food gameplan (a list!) for the coming two months. Now that life is semi-normal, I'm looking forward to being able to cook dinner and having different options!

For my last round of ChaLEAN Extreme I used Mark Sisson's Primal Blueprint as a food guide - really cut out most carbs and I saw great results. I'm thinking of adding back things like brown rice, quinoa, oatmeal and black beans. Turbo Fire is getting ready to be released and so I want to make sure that my body will get the fuel it needs and so I can maintain my weight (and adding a few pounds will be a goal!).

Tomorrow I'll be all cleaned out and ready to start physical training. Will continue with P90X workouts mixed in with Turbo Jam Get on the Ball cardio workouts until Turbo Fire is released. Jimmy and I will both post daily about our two month "Mexico Mad Dash". We'd love if you wanted to join us on the this two month journey - it's going to be clean food and tough workouts - so if you're up for the challenge, let me know!!!

I'll post final thoughts on the cleanse tomorrow. If you want more info on Shakeology, click here!

Have a great day and take a baby step toward improving your lifestyle today!

Shake shake shake

After a weekend of indulgence and with a beach vacation two months away, Jimmy and I decided to start the two month training with the Shakeology cleanse.

What's that, you ask?

Here it is in a nutshell - 3 servings of Shakeology, 2 pieces of fruit and a large salad for dinner. Not a lot of calories, but extremely nutrient dense - so you're body is really able to get rid of the garbage!

I'd never done this type of a cleanse before, so I'm not really sure how my body will react. And I'm not doing it to drop weight - just to clean out the plumbing!

Day 1 was interesting to say the least!

Got up and made a shake to sip on during my morning commute. Put water and LOTS of ice, so it's like a Wendy's frosty! That was great - and I thought, ok, I can do this. I love the taste of Shakeology, so being able to have it three times was going to be a treat!

Then came the cravings.

Weird cravings.

I haven't eaten red meat in close to 4 years and I've eaten chicken maybe half a dozen times in those 4 years. But all of a sudden, I start getting REALLY strong cravings for things like meatloaf and mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, burgers, cheese pizza, chips and salsa...and the list went on and on.

Hold it...I'm NOT pregnant.

I guess my body was getting rid of the crap and, like packrats trying to have a garage sale, my body was like "are you sure you don't want to keep some of this?!?!". Nope.

I managed to get through the work day and have my last shake before it was time to go to Fit Club. Jimmy and I were both starving and couldn't wait to get home to eat our LARGE salads!! In the Shakeology webinar, they say that you should do it for three days, but you could do it for one or two. We were so ready to eat at this point that the one day cleanse sounded pretty good!

But we are in training - and that means being thrust out of your comfort zone so your body can change!

So we're in it for the duration.

Fit Club was a challenge for both of us (we both lead it - Jimmy doing extreme versions and I do modifications) - we did Turbo Jam Fat Blaster and Turbo Fire. We were shaking and lightheaded by the end. I think I burned as many calories as I'd consumed in the entire day - just in that short 45 minute span (thank you, Chalene Johnson!).

We were toast!

We rushed home and made the best salads in the whole world - colorful, flavorful (it was basically a clean out the fridge kind of salad!!!) and we got lean protein - Jimmy had chicken and I had fish. We savored each bite - it was a good end to the day. (sorry to cut this part short - my mouth is watering!!!)

Woke up this morning and hopped on the scale (I don't usually weigh myself, but I'm doing it daily just for the purpose of the cleanse). I'm down 3.5 pounds. I will continue to monitor it over the next two days. Don't want to drop too much, but at the same time, I need to clean the crap out before I can start sculpting for the beach vacation!!!

Didn't workout this morning. Probably should've. Get it out of the way while my energy is highest. If all goes well today, I'll hit the gym tomorrow morning.

Sipping on green tea now - will probably have 1/2 of an apple in an hour - and maybe some coffee. It's going to be a great day!

I'm really excited at what the next two months have in store for me and Jimmy. We have an amazing vacation planned for the beginning of August - Azul Sensatori is where we'll be spending five glorious days! We are going to buckle down and really see what we're made of the next two months!

We'd love to hear what your goals are - what motivates you - and what we can do to help you achieve them!

Ebb and flow

Jimmy and I escaped for the holiday weekend. We were both itching for an exhale and the Memorial Day holiday proved to be the perfect time!

We drove down to Austin Friday afternoon and met up with one of our Beachbody coaches - Paul Smith & his lovely wife Jodena! We had an amazing dinner overlooking Lake Travis.

Before setting out on Saturday to walk around downtown, we made a plan. We could exhale and eat, drink and be merry this weekend, then when we got back, it would be a 2 month countdown until our Mexico vacation. So we agreed that we would enjoy ourselves and then it was hardcore training starting Tuesday!

Saturday was spent roaming around downtown Austin. We found it to be a little empty especially since all the hotels in the area were booked for the holiday weekend - we later figured out that most people hit the rivers during the day and saved bar hopping for the evening! We popped in and out of bars and restaurants and even strolled by the Capitol Building! We had a lot of fun - it was really relaxing (hot...but relaxing!) We ended our day on the early side knowing we'd get up at a decent time to hit the San Marcos River before the crowds.

Sunday was a blast - neither of us had been tubing, so we didn't really know what to expect. It was so relaxing. It was tamer than I thought it was going to be and the float was supposed to be an hour to an hour and a half, but it seemed more like 45 minutes. We stopped between float #1 & 2 for lunch - great little spot at the end of the river. Floats 2 & 3 were equally nice. I think next time we'll try to get to a river that's a bit of a longer time in the water. It was a cheap way to relax and enjoy the sun!

Sunday night we decided to go back to Austin - food options are better and it's a bit closer to home. Smart move - we had some of the best Mexican food - Guerro's Taco Bar. I've had a lot of fish tacos, but MAN - these were so good! Then next door, they had a patio with a band so we sat under the trees and chilled.

Monday was the trek home - not bad - we both felt the weekend of indulgence catching up to us. So we decided to do the Shakeology 3 day cleanse to jump start our 2 months of training!

Today is Day 1!

People do cleanses for different reasons. I'm not trying to drop weight from it - just trying to detox from all the crap that I put in my body of the weekend! Kinda like hitting the restart button! I haven't done anything like this before, so I'm anxious to see how my energy levels are and what the end result will be. Not sure that I'll post specific measurements, but I'll blog about how it's going.

And I'll also go through our 2 month training - what we're eating, the workouts, motivation, etc. So stay tuned for that. We're both excited not only to see the progress, but to know that we've got an amazing trip at the end of it! In the coming days, I'll post pics of the resort.

I guess the point of the blog is that everyone should be able to let their hair down every once in a while - I'm a very big believer in "everything in moderation". If you don't cut yourself a little slack now and then you go can go a little nuts!

So anybody that wants to do this two months of buckle down with me and Jimmy, let me know - we love having people around us to keep us motivated and on track!

Look into my eyes......

Some days I feel like the guy on that old Dunkin' Donuts commercial..."time to make the donuts". During the week, I have the same schedule - I wake up, workout, go to work, come home, make dinner, spend time with Jimmy, go to bed. That being said and me being the creature of habit that I am, I usually take the same path in and out of the office.

And I've noticed something lately and I can't tell if I find it funny or sad - people today are scared of eye contact.

I work in a large office building and so I pass people to and from the gym and to and from the parking garage and it's odd how people will all of a sudden stare at the most random things not to look someone else in the eye.

I'm not sure why that is. Where did things take a turn? Are we as a society becoming that desensatized that we don't even like to make that brief connection with someone else.

Why don't people like to look you in the eye? Are they scared you'll beat them up, hypnotize them, turn them into stone, sell them something, or worse - say hello?!?!

I'm usually a pretty reserved person, but lately, through my personal development reading, I'm learning to be a little more outgoing. So now it's like a game to me.

(say this part like the people on the National Geographic channel!!) I enter the hallway and spot the person at the very end of the hall. I go undetected for a few moments and then they see me. Mild panic comes over them. As we move closer, all of a sudden the walls, marble floors and plants become works of art to be admired. I keep my eyes focused on them, waiting for just a glance. I say good morning with a smile and we pass each other. Every once in a while I'll get the courtesy nod and half smirk - I probably scared them by speaking to them! Even by saying hello they continue to set their gaze elsewhere!

And I've also noticed that people tend to walk with their heads down. Are their brains so full of stuff that they can't hold their heads up or is it a sign of low self esteem?

I think that some people are just beat down. It's a shame that so many people are stuck in jobs they hate and aren't able to just do what they're passionate about. The world would probably have far fewer problems if people could just do all of the stuff listed in the "Hobbies" section of their resumes!

I challenge each of you to take steps to free yourself of the things in your life that beat you down and make you unhappy. If you don't like your job, figure out what you'd rather be doing and make a plan to put it into action. If you need help with this, let me know - I can help you get your time back so you can do those "hobbies" full time!!!

I will not be pinned in!

So a few days ago, Jimmy and I were at the mall and I decided to shop for a couple of things to wear to work for the summer. Usually Express is my go-to store. I love that they have simple designs in multiple colors and it's not gonna break the bank! So when I find one shirt that I like, I usually get the rainbow!

In we went - found a couple of shirts, pair of pants (I have a tough time fitting pants and Express is one store that I can usually just wear off the rack!) and disappeared into the fitting room, leaving Jimmy on the "husband couch"!

I have to say that it was a bit of an odd experience. Tried on the cute khaki capris and they fit like "mom" pants. I double checked the tag and the label and it was the correct size that I usually wear. Hmm... so then I tried on the shirt - again, size I normally wear and it just looked frumpy and baggy. What's going on?!!?

Now I've been busting my rear at the gym and have been seeing some really great results (see pics) and I've noticed that I'm not just getting stronger, but my body is changing, so that could be why stuff is fitting a little differently. I didn't think much of it right away. I'm not one to dive into a tub of ice cream or go do a massive amount of crunches if my clothes don't fit. My body's constantly changing and it's kind of a joke in our house. The second Jimmy or I buy clothes, we change, so I feel like we're always having to get more clothes for the new "us"!

But this stuck to my brain.

And then I realized that it's just Express adapting to society. I'm not the incredible shrinking violet all of a sudden (although I did lose 5 pounds and dropped 6% body fat thanks to ChaLEAN Extreme and Shakeology) - they've changed their sizing to make people feel better...most people...feel better about themselves.

Women hear supermodels all the time say "Oh yeah, I just eat whatever I want - cheeseburgers, fries, pizza, cookies..." and they go home and try to do the same thing. And slowly retail stores are keeping this "fantasy" alive in the mind of Joe Six Pack's wife. Now she says "Oh yeah, I just eat whatever I want - cheeseburgers, fries, pizza, cookies...and I'm still a size 10 - I don't know how I do it, but I'm not questioning it. Obviously the fad diets are working!!!"

Wake up people!

There are pins on EVERY mannequin to hold back the extra fabric - not to make the mannequins look good (although I bet they would have really great self esteem with as much as people say "but it looked so cute on the mannequin!") - but to hide the extra fabric so people will think that they will look like said mannequin when they put on the shirt or pants displayed.

It's time to make a change - and it doesn't have to be a radical change, but baby steps will change your life!

Eye opener

The countdown is well underway and we are up to our eyeballs in boxes! We're tackling a little bit each night so it's not so overwhelming. Jimmy's job last night was to repack some of the beat up boxes that are at the top of my closet. It's stuff that we need that's been toted around in the same crushed UHaul boxes for 4 years! I thought this would be a quick job for him...it turned out, it was a box full of our old pictures - so it became a trip down memory lane.

I was puttering around packing the kitchen when he called me into the living room in a rather serious tone. He showed me a picture from probably about 8 years ago of me and my Mom and Dad.

I remembered taking the picture vividly - they'd come in from New Orleans to watch me teach my dance classes. I was so proud to have them there with me! But what I didn't realize what what I looked like. I was probably 15-20 pounds heavier than I am now. And I knew that I'd put on weight, but I was 25, had just started out in a "sit down" job in Corporate America, and, coming from a family of mostly obese people, I thought that this was the way it's supposed to be.

Thankfully, I met my husband about this time. And he showed me how to eat healthier (at the time, my diet was primarily chicken fingers and french fries) and helped me get started on a healthier lifestyle. It wasn't because he thought I was overweight or anything (in fact, he said last night that he never really thought of me as "pudgy" or anything) - the weight was something that bothered ME - I didn't feel good, I was lathargic and just didn't feel comfortable in my own skin - so he helped me to get movin' to feel better. Turns out, it was one of the best things I've ever done.

I guess the reason this "before" pic has hit home so much is I just keep thinking about what I'd feel like (not to mention look like) if I'd never met Jimmy or been introduced to a healthier lifestyle. It really stopped us both in our tracks last night. And I think that it's something for everyone to stop and consider (well...not consider MY before pic!!! - but your own)...take a picture (mirrors are deceiving...pictures don't lie) and look at it - and then really take an inventory of your daily intake and activities.

What path will this lead you down?

If it's a path that you're not comfortable with (like I was), please contact me. My goal, as a Beachbody Coach, is to make a dent in this obesity epidemic...one person at a time.

http://www.beachbodycoach.com/kelnel

Let me help you get on the right path!

cute...

Cute...it's a word that I hear...A LOT...and it's a word that still takes some getting used to.

Growing up, I had a friend in high school that used to say "cute is the same as stupid" - I didn't totally agree, but I understood where she was coming from. And it's a line that's always been embedded in my mind. Then there's Rudolph from the claymation Christmas TV show - with his stopped up little nose, saying "I'm cute, she thinks I'm CUUUTTTEEEE" (as his eyes get all googly and then spasticly flying into the air!!)

Lately, I've heard the word a lot - "oh, you're so cute" "aren't you the cutest thing" "y'all are such a cute couple""cute...cute...cute...cute...cute!!!!". And it's something that I just smile and nod about because, at 32 years old, I don't really think that people should be called cute.

Who knows - maybe I'm wrong. I don't know what other word I'd like to be called - guess it could be worse!!!!! - maybe I just need to grow up and be a big girl about this!!

I am appreciate of the praise, don't get me wrong. I just find it funny that so many people use the same word. It's not like they were in a huddle and decided to all use the same word (1-2-3-CUTE!). So I decided to look up the deifinition to try to get past this hangup I have with the word.

Here's what dictionary.com has to say:

CUTE - /kyut/ - [kyoot] adjective, adverb
–adjective
1. attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty

2. affectedly or mincingly pretty or clever; precious

3. mentally keen; clever; shrewd.
–adverb
4. Informal. in a cute, charming, or amusing way; cutely

OK - so this isn't so bad.

(deep breath)...

Hi, my name is Kelly and I'm CUTE!!! :)

Gettin' Ready to Ride the Wave!

Jimmy and I just got back from an AMAZING weekend in Cali. We went out there for a Beachbody Leadership Weekend at the Ritz Carlton in Dana Point. The hotel was right on the Pacific Ocean - breath taking views and accommodations!

Got there and started off with a bang...Turbo Fire workout with Chalene Johnson - this is a NEW workout that Beachbody's got cookin' and man, oh man, if you love cardio - this will be right up your alley!!! We were all pretty fit people and we were huffin' and puffin'!!! While we were working out, we were looking out over the Pacific Ocean at sunset - wow...I'm still speechless!!!

Day 2 was jam-packed! Started off with a yoga workout with Tony Horton...again, overlooking the Pacific! Then it was breakfast - the hotel staff made us Shakeology - WOO HOO!!!

Then it was time to get down to work.

They started off by showing us the new Coach website - it's going to be SOOO great - you'll be able to customize it and add all kinds of special features - I can't wait for this to come out! Then we got to see the new and MUCH improved New Coach Kit. One word...SHARP! It's short and to the point. Coaches who once felt overwhelmed when they signed up and didn't know what to do with all the stuff that came in the old coach kit are now at ease with this new sleek package! Then we saw the new 3rd party tools that they released (actually released yesterday!!!) - I think this is what I'm MOST excited about. These are DVDs (and videos available in the coaching back office) that do all the hard work for you. I'll be the first to admit...I'm NOT A SALESMAN...but I'm so passionate about Beachbody and how it's changed my life that I tend to ramble and end up vomiting waaay too much info on interested people (sorry...little graphic....but true!)! Now that I have these tools under my belt, I'm vomit free!!!!! All I have to do is send a DVD or video link to someone that's interested and voila...the video gives them all the info they need and no mess! :) There's one that explains all the great products that we have and one that focuses on the coaching opportunity! Somethin' for everyone!

Another important thing we learned that carried out throughout the weekend was Beachbody's Game Plan. These are 10 simple steps for coaches to follow to help us succeed with our business. It spells it out for you - and it takes out all the guesswork. Don't know where to start, look at the Game Plan. Ready to hit the ground running and want to really make your business take off, look at the steps! It works for everyone. It's all about simplicity. From the new website to the new coach kit and 3rd party tools to the 10 Game Plan steps - this is something that is getting ready to take off in a BIG BIG way. And I'm so stoked to be part of it!

Day 3 was amazing as well. Darren Hardy was the speaker for the day. He's the publisher of Success Magazine and his talk was one of a kind!

After the event was over, Jimmy, Paul (one of our coaches from Austin) and I drove back down the Pacific Coast Highway and stopped in Huntington Beach to have lunch. Went to Duke's for lunch then took a stroll on the beach and on the pier. I saw surfers for the first time - so neat! It was so cool to watch them all bobbing in the water, patiently waiting for their right wave to come! I feel like a surfer...I'm waiting patiently and I'm about to ride a killer wave!!!

Then we were off to the airport to take the red eye back to NYC. It was a whirlwind trip - I got to meet some really amazing people - coaches and corporate folk. Some of the most genuine people I know - and we're all on the same page about doing this to help reverse this obesity trend and to help people get healthier. It's scary out there - this obesity problem isn't going away and it's up to us to take steps to reverse it!

(Shameless plug) If you want to help other people get on the road to a healthier, more active lifestyle and want to earn money doing it - let me know - this whole coaching thing is about to BLOW UP - and now is the time to get in. It's like when a new apartment building goes up - you want to get in early before all the good views are taken! Now is the time...

To learn more about the Coaching Opportunity: http://bit.ly/KNDecide

To learn more about the AMAZING Products: http://bit.ly/KNSolutions

If you're waiting for a formal invitation, here ya go! http://bit.ly/KNCDInvite

The Stars at Night, are BIG and BRIGHT....

So - word's out...after four amazing years here in NYC, the Nelsons are moving back to Dallas!!!

It's funny - because for us, this decision has been in the works for a bit. We finally got clarity on some things recently and everything has started to fall into place. But most people - while excited - are like "you're moving - WHY?!?!" And for some reason, I feel the need to justify it. I told Jimmy that it'd almost be easier to just say that I'm pregnant (which I'm not). So...for those who are curious - here's how it all came about...

Once upon a time...kidding...

Where to start...it's a bit of a tangled mess, but put on your seatbelts and try to follow along!!!

It all started back in July - we went to visit our friends, Dave & Erin, in Jacksonville for the July 4th weekend. They have a GORGEOUS, spacious house - 3BR, 2 1/2 baths, back yard, the works - really nice. And Jimmy and I forgot how nice it was to have space - to sort of "spread out" in a home. We currently live in a 2BR apartment in NY which is nice, but we are surrounded by neighbors. So being at the Cohen's house for a few days got our wheels turning.

We started talking about moving out of the city. We're getting to the age where kids might come into the picture in the not too distant future and we realized that while yes, there are people that do have and raise kids in NYC, it's not necessarily something WE want to do.

We'd also talked about moving out of the city once we were both able to be full time Beachbody coaches. We're not quite there yet - so thoughts of moving out on that account weren't in the forefront of our brains.

But we got to talking one day about where we'd move - we weren't sure that we'd want to back to TX and we didn't want to live full time in New Orleans (that's where our families live) - so I thought - ok, if I can pick anywhere that I want to live, it'd be near a beach on the East Coast. So I opened up google maps and looked at cities on the eastern seaboard and Charleston, SC jumped out at me. So I began to do research on it and thought it'd be a great place to raise a family. Only problem being that we'd still be away from our families. We'd be closer, but still a plane ride away. I casually looked at the area, talked to a friend that lives there - who had GLOWING reviews of it - looked around at the neighborhoods and looked at what some job options might be, but that's about as far as it went. We figured that if Charleston was meant for us, everything would fall into place for us to know that it was right. But nothing really came out of it.

August 10th...the place I was working announced that they were closing two of their three portfolios (it's a hedge fund) - which meant most people were getting let go. I was given Sept 4th as my last day there, so I immediately began the job hunt. I literally was offered a temp to perm position at great company on my last day - literally hours before I was going to walk out the door!!!

So new job is temp to perm til the end of January when a perm offer would be made if they were pleased with my work. No biggie.

Fast forward to two weekends ago - Jimmy went to Dallas for almost a week to spend time with his family and to do a Beachbody workout. He was surprising his family with tickets to the big Monday Night Cowboy game at the new Cowboys Stadium!!! Usually when Jimmy's back in Texas, he's ready to come back to NY on or about Day 2. He called me on Day 2 and said...something's different. I knew exactly what he meant and I knew that this was the sign we'd been waiting on. He said it "felt right" there now. I was on board immediately. The decision had been made.

I miss my family LOTS - and so does Jimmy - so being this far away for the past four years has been tough. For us, family comes first. So we decided that Dallas was the place we needed to be. Close to Jimmy's family (they live in the suburbs of Dallas), closer to my family (they're in New Orleans and south Louisiana) and close to friends.

Then there were the logistics. We had just begun year 2 of our 2 year lease on our apartment in Astoria, so the initial thought was to move Sept 2010. Then we started talking about it and realized that we were both kind of at a crossroads with our jobs.

The place that I worked for did offer for me to stay on thru year end, but it'd be a mayyybee kind of situation in January, so I decided to leave while the job market was good here in NYC. Then I get a temp to perm offer which wouldn't be perm til February. So my thought was let's move in February. I think that kind of shocked both of us. But it made sense. If I'd accept a permanent offer (or if it'd have been a perm offer from the beginning or if I'd not been let go from my previous job), none of this move stuff would have been given a thought. I'm not the kind of person to commit then walk away. So I'm not tied down here, so I thought Feb would be a good time to make a clean break from corporate America in NYC.

Jimmy can do both of his careers anywhere - having done theatre and print work in Dallas, he knows how things work down there, so the learning curve wouldn't be bad (just getting reacclimated) and he can do fitness stuff anywhere! So for him, the transition would be almost seamless (minus finding representation...which he's currently seeking!!!).

So Jimmy called our landlord and told him of our decision. He was super cool. He said he would put our apartment on the market in December or January. Then, our neighbor across the hall has a coworker that was interested in taking our apartment - and for him, the sooner the better. Wow...ok!

We have commitments in NYC thru the beginning of November, so we thought December 1st would be a great move in date. That would give us time to finish our commitments here, come to TX to get an apartment, car and for me to interview for jobs, and pack the apartment here.

Then...yesterday morning we found out that the guy backed out...sigh...I was really bummed, but thought, ok, it's not in our time - we'll move when we're supposed to move.

So we figured we'd start spreading the word to see if there are any takers for a December 1st move in date. It would work out best for us - we'd be able to start making plans now and the new tenants would get to move in before the brunt of winter arrived.

We're both really excited about the move and being closer to family and friends and the new opportunities that will come our way. We're ready to settle down and plant roots that way when kids do come along, we're already established. This is a very positive move for us.

But it's weird - we've gotten mixed reactions. I think that some people think that if you move to NY, then move back, somehow you've failed. I don't think that at all. Jimmy and I have grown tremendously in the past four years and we know that all the nuggets we've learned here will only benefit us in Dallas. Will we miss New York???...yes, parts of it. But it will hold a very special place in our hearts and we know that there's always time for visits back!!!

It's just crazy to make these grown up decisions without being prompted by the start of a school year, or because it's something your parents tell you to do. This was solely our decision and it came about in such a natural way that we knew it was right. And I'm SOOOO thankful that we're on the same page about it. We know we're doing what's best for our our family (even though that's just the two of us for now).

So that's the gist of it. If we move down at the end of November for a 12/1 move in date, we'll go to Texas the second week in November to buy a car, secure an apartment and for me to get a job. If you know of anyone that's looking for an Executive Assistant in Dallas, please let me know!!! :)

Quick fixes

Just finished Week 3 of Insanity. Very thankful for the rest day tomorrow.

I missed doing my Day 15 Fit test, but I'm feeling stronger and feeling like I'm able to push more in the workouts. Doing extra reps of things - trying to make sure that my form is still good during it all. My lungs feel stronger - don't get me wrong, I'm still huffin' and puffin' like the Big Bad Wolf at times, but it's getting better.

I was a puddle on the ground this morning. I was not in the mood to get up. Jimmy was still in bed - he decided to take the morning off since he is training with Ray today (we're both trying not to overtrain. It's tough bc you feel good and you want to do more, but you have to listen to your body!). So when my alarm went off, he was snug as a bug in bed and I wanted so badly to stay there. Sigh.... But I knew that Ali would be at the gym waiting for me and my online workout buddies were counting on me, so I grumpily rolled out of bed and threw on workout gear and schlepped over to the gym. The cool breeze outside usually puts me in a good mood...not so much today. I enjoyed the crispness, but I also enjoyed my bed!!!!!

Warm up started...I was so ready to quit... jogging in place was a chore. I have blisters on my feet and they, like the little man in my head who apparently was using a megaphone today, were screaming at me. But I just stuck with it and kept telling myself just to push through - it would be over before I know it.

By the middle of the warmup, I was in a better mood already. My attitude was quickly fixed just by changing my focus from the warm cozy bed to the task at hand. I started to push and really dig deep. I was refocused - trying to put myself in the shoes of the people during the filming - pretending that there was a camera in the gym studio with me and Shaun was going to come to me at any second.

Mid way thru the first section of the workout, the little man in my head started yapping again. I thought - ok, maybe I'll just do this first half today...the second half kills me anyway. I shut him up fast. Tony Horton always says to do the exercises that you're bad at. We can all shine and do the easy exercises for days on end, but by doing the ones that we don't like so much (for whatever reason), we become better at them. For me, it's the getting up and down and just all the stuff in plank. My shoulders have been taking a beating. Dr. Piken worked on them some, but I still struggle with the second half of the Plyo Cardio Circuit. But I was determined to dig deep.

Looked at the timer...11 minutes left. I can do this!!!! So I gave it my all! Yes, there were breaks, but they were breif and just to stretch out my shoulders. It's like when I was doing ChaLEAN Extreme - I felt like I could've kept going with some of the exercises, but my forearms would crap out before my legs. I don't think of it as giving up - it just makes me want to work harder to improve in those areas!!!

I was spent by the end of the workout - the sweat was flinging in all directions - LOVE IT!!!!

My shoulders are singing to me this morning, but I will continue to stretch them throughout the weekend!


Onto other things....

I'm going home this weekend!!! Home = New Orleans

It's my grandmother's 80th birthday/Family Reunion. It will be nice to see everyone (even though there are some that I don't know their names...at my wedding, they'd come up to me and say "do you know who I am?!?!...I haven't seen you since you were THIIISSSSSS big" - like it was a game...I was not amused). Dad's picking me up late tonight at the airport and we're going to get up super early and drive to the bayou - that's where my Mom and my other grandparents are (my Mom splits time between their house in New Orleans and taking care of my grandparents). I can't wait to see them. I'm really close to them and being in NY and so far away from them is tough. I will only be able to visit with them for a few hours, but I'll take what I can get!!! I need my Mama and Papa "fix"!!!!

Looking soooooooo forward to seeing my fam- I need Mom hugs badly. Not that there's anything wrong, just sometimes you need them - like a squirrel storing nuts for the winter!!! I need to replinish my reserves of Mom hugs!!!!

I leave tonight - courtesy of Jet Blue! And I come back Sunday afternoon. It's a quick trip, but I'm so thankful that I am able to see them. Life is short and time should be made to spend with family!!!

back to INSANITY

OK - enough sap...

Today was INSANITY Cardio Power & Resistance.

Haven't slept well all week - not sure why...either tossing and turning or crazy dreams. I've come to the conclusion that the little man in my head has changed up his game plan. He's become a night owl. Thinking that by not letting me rest peacefully, I'll turn off the alarm and go back to sleep. Sorry, Charlie. I'm on a mission!!!

Walked over sleepy-eyed to the gym and just felt a little sluggish. Then I pushed play! It's amazing to me how my body just steps up to the plate. Like a well trained dog. The sound of Shaun yelling makes the hairs on my arm stand up. It's game time!

I love this workout! Granted, still LOTS of room for improvement, but I feel like I'm moderately OK at it!!! We all took breaks today, but I have to pat myself on the back for taking the least amount of breaks - really digging deep and pushing thru. I was on fire today! My endurance is picking up. I challenged myself to do two more pushups each time and to really pushed during the standing/jumping/squatting parts - just kept telling myself that if I'm not about to puke, there's no reason to stop!!! hey...whatever works!

Taking the advice from the brilliant Dr. Piken, I've been using recovery drink before, during and after the workouts. And I really haven't had muscle soreness and I feel like my recovery rate is really high. I'm also taking Beachbody's Performance Formula before workouts just to give me some oomph to get going. Both are golden. I feel great - and my energy thru the workout is consistent - no bonking. And man, oh man...the endorphins release is incredible. My moods are great and I have lots of energy throughout the day.

I'm eating close to my 2130 calorie recommendation a day. I feel like I'm eating all the time, but it's being put to good use! I don't feel heavy or bloated. I feel light and lean. Fueling your body with the right things makes SUCH a difference!!!

I just counted the days...Sept 16th is Day 60. I can't wait to compare my Before and Afters!!!

sweet rewards

I just have to take a time out from my INSANITY blog to just express how blessed I am to be a Beachbody coach - and I'm not using this to plug myself or pat myself on the back, but to give thanks. It's been something that is indescribable - I've been able to reunite with old friends and help them get started on a healthier path, I've made lots of new friends who I've helped get turn their lives around, and I've been introduced to some incredible trainers - some of the best in the industry! And as I sit here today, I'm just overwhelmed with it all...in a good way.

I feel like I'm making a difference, one person at a time. Paying it forward, one email and phone call at a time.

And each life that I help change is a unique gift. Looking back, I never thought that people would come to ME about healthy eating or working out. I used to be scrawny little Kel who ate Chick-Fil-A three times a day.

My eyes have been opened to lots of amazing information and it's helped me to make what some might think are drastic lifestyle changes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I am in the best shape of my life and I feel better than I did 10 years ago!!! And I love love love being able to pass that information along to other people. It's not a secret. It's called hard work, dedication and making smart, informed decisions.

So thank you....this is an amazing opportunity for me and I'm so excited that it's just the beginning!!

back in the saddle

After 4 lonnnngggg days off from Insanity, I was back in the saddle yesterday!!

During those 4 days, I really rested - didn't do anything, and I was hyper aware of my hips and my abs. And for little bits here and there, I started to worry about what if I couldn't do Insanity - what if Dr. Piken told me that it's too insane for me. And it made me a little sad. Yes, there are a TON of other things that I can do and still stay in great shape. But it was about the challenge and this HUGE obstacle that I set my mind to and I was bound and determined to overcome it. So I was a little nervous about Monday's workout.

My abs and hips felt like they were finally cooperating, so I was ready to "ease" back into it...well, as much as I could (Pure Cardio was on the docket). I decided I was going to do what I could and stop if I needed to.

Ready or not, here we go!!!!!

I actually felt pretty good. My intensity probably wasn't as high as normal, but that was my way of easing back into things. I skipped one move toward the end - suicide jumps, but other than that, things were feeling pretty darn good. Dr. Piken said to get electrolytes in me before, during and after the workout, so I had recovery drink and water on hand and downed both. I also stretched my abs throughout the day and tried to keep them relaxed when possible. It was funny though, on my walk home from the gym, my obliques were already sore. They were DEFINITELY turned on now... thank you Dr. Piken!

Went to bed too late last night, but the alarm went off at the same time as usual...5am. We rolled out of bed, put on work out clothes and tried to get our minds right on the way to the gym. Walked into the gym studio, and Ali (one of the guys that works out at the gym that Jimmy was talking with about the program) was waiting for us...we had a workout buddy!!!!!

We were like Dorothy (me, obv!), the Tin Man (Jimmy with his hard bod!) and the Scarecrow (Ali, since he had no CLUE what was about to hit him!) - arm-in-arm, skipping down the yellow brick road into the forest where the wicked witch (the workout) awaited our arrival!

Today was Plyo Cardio - one that I've always felt good about...well, good about HALF of it! The second half usually brings me to my knees, crumbled in a puddle of my own DNA. I try not to think about the second half of the workout.

Focus on the moment.

We pushed play and off we went, singing our happy little tunes (the little man in my head was even singing along...he's been quite pleasant lately!!! He LOVES the endorphin rush!!). We were all doing relatively well, grabbing our knees and gasping for air at points, chugging water and recovery drink, stretching when needed. Then came round two. Man oh man. I have to say that I AM getting better, but being a sweaty mess and trying to do pushups on slick wood floors was even more of a challenge than not crumbling to the floor!!! I even had little hand grip things that I use for pullups - no good!!! It was like we were all trying to play Twister and Slip and Slide all at the same time!!!! I tried to wipe the floor between sets, but it was no use, the more I wiped, the more I'd sweat!!! But we finally made it to the end. Looking at ourselves in the mirror, we had flashbacks to the 90s and hypercolor shirts. All of our shirts had completely changed colors - soaked with sweat. The floor of the gym studio looked like we'd have poured a glass of water where each of us stood.

This was hard work.

And as I sit at work today, I am SOOOO thankful that my body has gotten back in sync and that I'm able to continue this battle.

ONWARD.........

grounded...

So I saw the brilliant Dr. Piken this afternoon for my weekly visit. I told him my hip flexors had been on fire recently. He did lots and lots of testing - trying to figure out the root of the problem. Nothing was testing as signs of weakness. Then he figured it out...my abs were shut off. Because of that, my hips flexors and my neck (area around my collar bone also oddly sore) were having to compensate to hold me up! He said that I've been pushing myself so hard and the abs are a hard group to stretch and so they shut off! So he did some massage work to turn them back on and to make my hip flexors relax. Night and day difference - I stood up and my hips were fabulous!!!!

But...

He said I need to take it easy for a few days til my body gets back in sync. So INSANITY will be on hold for a couple of days (which makes me a little insane!!) - but I will get up and do X Stretch tomorrow and give my body time to recover. I tried to go to yoga tonight (which he said was ok), but the yoga teacher had an emergency & had to cancel. Probably a sign that I need to lay on the couch and watch TV (I mean rest my over-worked body!)

I'm doing this for me - and so there's not an expected end date or final result. So I'm happy listening to my body and giving it the time it needs to heal. I feel like I'm one big science project - always tweaking things to see the outcome! It's exciting!!!

I am very thankful for Dr. Piken. He's a chiropractor, but he also does applied kinesiology and nutrition counseling. So he looks at the big picture. Which I think is amazing! And I'm so glad that I have him to monitor my progress - I really trust him. If you need a good doctor in NY - he's top notch!!! (And he's a Beachbody customer - doing Ten Minute Trainers!!!)

come back little grey bar!!!

Yesterday was my first day braving INSANITY alone...or so I thought! Jimmy was already out of the house by the time I rolled out of bed at 5am. He's going to Vegas!!! I liked having him with me to do INSANITY - we are great motivators for each other. So going at it alone was a little bit scary. On the docket...Cardio Recovery - which I heard was not really a "recovery"!!! So I popped in the DVD into my laptop at the gym and lo and behold, who's standing there looking back at me on the screen...JIMMY!!! Like a little angel sent to get me thru the workout! I totally forgot that he was in that DVD! So that made me smile and put me at ease...well until Shaun said "ready, go!"!!!!

The workout really was not bad - LOTS of holding and pulsing and core work. I was a sweaty mess once again!!! And felt really great and peaceful!

Got home last night - still feeling great despite the rain - and decided to work on Turbo Kick for a bit! I got thru the whole round without having to stop. My neighbors downstairs probably thought I was crazy - jumpin' around and talkin' to myself!!! Oh well! I was very proud of myself for getting thru it. Again...sweaty mess!! Slept like a baby last night!!!

Today's workout was Insanity Pure Cardio. And as I was getting ready to go to the gym, the mental prep started. I thought ok, I'm ready for some cardio, this will be good!!! I actually didn't have to do that much convincing - I was ready for it (and I think the little man living in my head was still soundly sleeping...shhhhh)!!

Not gonna lie...this workout is a bitch (pardon my French!)! I didn't realize that by "pure cardio" he meant "no breaks Cardio"!!! I loved that it was 2 rounds of differnet moves - no repeating moves - and that there were LOTS of people stopping to get water. I had a liter of water and a small shaker cup w/ 1 scoop of recovery drink - I downed them both and I think that I probably sweated them all out at the same time!

This is probably too much information, but I was drenched - I looked like a combination of the kid on Billy Madison that wet his pants and the chick on Flashdance. I was a hot mess. And had to do the Walk of Shame home with sweaty pants (guess it's not really a walk of shame - I busted my tail, I earned that sweat!...but the guy who passes me every morning for his morning smoke and stroll probably thinks I need adult diapers or something!)

Got thru the workout decently well - took a couple of breaks and I know that I will be able to push harder next time! I am proud that I made it all the way to the end of the workout (always an accomplishment not to be crumbled on the floor!!)!

I was really aware of my core today. Tried to really keep it tight throughout the workout. I felt solid! Don't get me wrong, I still felt like a ton of bricks on things like the high jump rope at the end and the switch kicks (which were like the second move and I was already dying!!) Looking forward to building more power in my legs to be able to feel light on those!

Another great mood day too - if nothing else - it's worth the sweat and early alarm to feel this great throughout the day! I haven't hit the afternoon slump like normal and I have tons of energy when I get home - hence yesterday's extra Turbo Kick session!!

Today will try to make it home in time for some Vinyasa Yoga - a nice treat for my bod!

Good morning, Shaun

Monday moring, 0500...Astoria, NY...alarm sounds

Little man in my head: "man, this is the most comfortable bed EVER...and it's cozy under the covers! Just cuddle with Jimmy for just one more hour."
Me: "nope."

Off went the covers and on went the workout clothes! Jimmy and I walked to the gym, laptop and water in hand, at dawn. (sounds like we're going to duel! well, we were...kinda!) Still sleepy-eyed and trying to get in the right mind frame to get our butts kicked!

We set up the laptop in the corner of the gym studio and pressed play.

I can't tell whether I like or hate that it starts out so fast. I guess it's good - sure wakes you up quickly so you can get the hard work goin'. Nothing like a heart rate of 175 within 20 minutes of waking up!!!!!!!!!

We were dripping - sweat was flingin' and our hands were so sweaty they were sliding all over the floor for the floor sprints! Serious DNA removal going on!

The little man...now awake and pissed off from being woken up at an ungodly hour, was just a fussin' at me. I literally was talking out loud to him during this workout. "KEEP GOING. I CAN DO THIS. I AM DOING THIS."

We made it to the end - not too bad - we took breaks and were huffing and puffing - but there was no vomiting or nausea today! I realized that I need to get some workout shorts - most of the pants that I wear to workout are usually capri length. By the end of the warmup, my pants are stuck to me and my shirt's come off (I'm in a sports bra...get your mind out of the gutters!!!!). Sweaty mess doesn't begin to describe it.

I make sure to wipe up the sweat puddles before we leave. Need to bring a camera to capture it one morning!

Got home, had Shakeology, prepped food for the day, got ready and came into the office. My mood was IN-CREDIBLE! I felt like I was on Cloud 9. Endorphins were kickin'!!!

So far soreness hasn't been bad. I feel it in my calves and the underside of my butt (Jimmy calls it where your butt smiles!). Lots of pushups today, so I'll see how my chest feels tomorrow - so far, so good!!! Recovery drink during this is a life saver!!!! But I feel like Bastian from The Neverending Story..."not too much (recovery drink)...we still have a long way to go!!!"

I've tried to up my calories for the day. I need to sit down and look at the food guide tonight - says I should take in 2130 calories to maintain my weight (which is what I'm trying to do!). That's almost double what I normally take in. So it will be an adjustment.

Had chocolate shakeology w/ soy yogurt, nut butter and almond milk for breakfast #1. Oatmeal w/ 10 grain cereal, protein powder, nut butter, chopped almonds and frozen berries (this was a BIG bowl of goodness!!!) for breakfast #2. An apple and almonds for AM snack. Leftover pasta w/ red sauce for lunch. Then I have celery and nut butter for my PM snack and will probably have salmon and brown rice and maybe a salad for dinner. And then I'll put in my food, and see if I need a little something before bed. I feel like an eating machine! But I need to - with this program I will be a lean, mean, eating and fighting machine!!!! ggrrrrrrrr!!!!!!

The amazing thing is that I don't feel tired at all. Yes, getting up at 5am wasn't all sunshine and roses, but I can't tell you how great it felt to tackle that first thing! Such an amazing way to start the day. And to have Jimmy there to tackle it with me made it that much better! But I feel so great right now that I'm going to hit up Power Yoga tonight!!!!

I think I'm going to take weekly progress pics - and then pics on the fit test days. My abs feel tighter already and my whole body feels strong. Looking forward to being able to see improvements as I go through the program. Taking less breaks, jumping higher, squatting lower - things like that. I know there were moves from the Fit Test that I can improve on form wise - and so my numbers from the Fit Test might go down, but now that I know proper form, there's no cheating!!!

Jimmy's travelling the rest of the week, so I'll be on my own. But I'll be up and at 'em at 5am every morning. It's like ripping off a bandaid - better to do it quickly than to make the anticipation drag on. Get it done first thing - then the rest of the day will be smooth sailing!!

It's begun

So the journey has begun!

I did the INSANITY Fit Test yesterday - here are the results:

Switch Kicks 60

Power Jacks 60

Power Knees 112

Power Jumps 50 (need to improve form)

GLobe Jumps 9

Suicide Jumps 19 (need to improve form)

Pushup Jacks 22

Low Plank Oblique 32 (need to keep butt down)

I'm not putting these up to compare to anyone else - this is just where I'm at.  I'm doing this for ME!

Did Plyo Cardio today - I got angry with it and pushed thru...and there were lots of breaks and  modifications at the end.  The second round of this workout kills me!!! (in a good way)  I was shaking and wanting to crumble onto the ground, but I had to silence the little man in my head.  When I was weak and ready to stop, I just remembered that fire that I have in me - and the vision in my head of me killing this workout (which that time will come!!!)!!    

I CAN do it.  I WILL do it.

This was a nice one to start with since we had the preview DVD, I was already familiar with what I was up against.

This weekend, I will write out my schedule for the first month of this adventure.  I want to still keep my yoga classes in the mix twice a week.  After putting my body thru this craziness, I'm going to need a little zen!!!

I know I'm going to be sore from this - I can already feel it in my lower back...this program is core city!!!!  

It's going to be one hell of an adventure...stay tuned!!!

The little man...

So I am getting ready to undertake a new workout program. It's called INSANITY. And it's aptly named. It's Beachbody's latest release and it's touted as the toughest thing they've ever put out. Jimmy had the privlege of being in three of the DVDs. He thought he was in great shape...until he went through the auditions and filming of INSANITY. He said he was nauseus in the warm up...I knew I had to try it but when he would describe these moves, I just kept thinking man, there is no way that I'm going to be able to keep up with this.



Why...why was that the first thought in my head?



I didn't know what these moves looked like, yet I chose a negative reaction as my first first response. Who knows, Jimmy may be fit, but it might be something that I could dance circles around him doing. I didn't know. All I knew was that he was wiped by the end of the shoot.



Far too often, we second guess ourselves and sell ourself short. I'm very guilty of it. I'm trying to get better at it. Trying to have more of an open mind about things and not to have an initial negative reaction. But it's tough. It's something that is so embedded that it's automatic. And it takes a lot of focus to change that.



As the delivery date of INSANITY soon approaches, I keep thinking I CAN DO THIS!!! I WILL DO THIS!!! And yet, like the little man with the hammer that lives in your head when you have a headache, this little man in my head keeps saying "are you sure??...this is some pretty intense stuff". Really?!?! Come on, man...



Then yesterday, I was poking around in my Coaching Back Office and there were testimonials up from the people who'd gone through the test group. I watched Alysia's first. 40 year old mother of twins. Holy cow. She looked amazing. I have to admit that I got choked up and a little teary eyed when I watched this. I want to be in that kind of shape after I have kids. Wow... The little man in my head grew quieter.



Later in the day, I watched Rachel's story. Rachel was a fit gal to begin with, but man oh man, she looked incredible after!!! The video showed her pushing through some of these moves and just giving it everything that she had! The little man stopped talking.



Then I realized what was making the little man in my head say all of those things. It wasn't fear or self doubt at all. I know that I can do those moves, even if I have to modify some here and there. I know my body well enough and I am comfortable doing modifications until I can go at full speed. I am also a hard worker and if I have a goal, I push to reach it. And I know that there's that fire in me - I see myself, in my head, doing these moves with the people in the video.

I know that I have it in me.

And I think I've figured out where the doubts are coming from.

laziness.

We can all get up and halfway sleep thru out workouts, or phone in some kicking, punching and squatting. But with INSANITY, there's no half-assing it. You have got to give 110% from the time the DVD starts til the time you crumble onto the floor in a pool of your own hard work.

And it always seems so easy to make an excuse as to why we should take the day off from working out - or just do something easy to say that we did something. Or to just stop mid-workout. We convince ourselves that these things are all acceptable and slowly start to get away from the hard work ethic and drive that started us on this workout journey to begin with. I do this a lot - I bust my butt and start seeing great results and then I get complacent with them. And then I just kinda coast thru and then fall off the wagon.

This is all changing.

With my June buckle down month, I really pushed myself and it felt soooo great. I have a refreshed spirit about the whole thing. I realized that I'm not doing it for anyone else but me. The time that I spend working out is time to work on ME...outside and in. And it is precious time, so I have to make the most out of it!

That little man in my head is an evil little man. He's going to be there when I push play, and when I am huffing, puffing and nauseus near the end of the workout. But I'm going to crush him quickly. He will not be able to stick around because I am a fighter and a hard worker and I am ready to tackle this!!!!

Here's what it looks like - let me know if you want to try it - we can tackle it together!!!

bit.ly/vdtuY

*stay tuned for before pics!